“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.” – Franklin Jones
Do you remember making turkeys in kindergarten out of apples, toothpicks, and gumdrops? You would take an apple, stab a few skinny toothpicks in it for legs, and decorate its face and fan with colorful sugar gumdrops. For whatever cruel reason, my genetic code decided to copy this top-heavy turkey template. All of my weight is in my torso, supported by long and relatively thin legs. As the Howlin’ Wolf blues song whines, “I’m built for comfort, I ain’t built for speed.” True story.
Running has always been a punishment for me. My first exposure to consistent jogging came when I joined the baseball team my freshman year of high school. “White tree, Deldeo!” often barked my coaches. A majestic, white birch tree grew proudly at the edge of campus, about 100-yards from the baseball field. Every time I made an error in the field (which was often), wasn’t putting in full effort, or let profanity fly, I had the distinct pleasure of running a “White Tree.” Not a single practice concluded without frequent visits to the White Tree. Over the course of that season, I lost around 25-pounds as a result of daily running.
Fast forward a decade and some, and I’ve found those missing 25-pounds. And they invited 50 of their closest friends to the adipose gala. An aging metabolism is a bitch. Suddenly, excuses not to exercise rose directly with my cholesterol.
“I’m too tired after work.”
“I’ve got stuff to do for school.”
“This beer isn’t gonna drink itself.”
“But there’s nothing chasing me…”
I could write a blog post full of excuses. But there’s really only one truth: I am lazy.
Carrying a large toolbox up the stairs last summer left me winded and at that moment, I realized that it was time for a change. Knowing that jogging (I can’t call what I do running, yet) was the most efficient way to lose weight, I began a popular mobile-based app called “Couch-to- 5K.” The “couch” part was mildly misleading.
The program guides you through a hybrid of walking and jogging three days per week and gradually builds up your distance, speed, and endurance. After nine weeks, the regimen culminates with running 3.1 miles, the equivalent of the famous 5K runs.
My first few runs were awful; my heart rate was through the roof and I was sucking wind like an asthmatic in a cigar shop. But gradually, with each run, I started to feel a little better. And by the fifth week, I admitted quite sheepishly that I actually enjoyed running. Holy shit! Hallelujah! Even I was shocked.
Sadly, the day after my stunning admission, my ankle decided to shut me down. Nothing was found to be structurally wrong, but my mystery injury led to nearly two months of limping around the hospital, ice baths, elevation, and anti-inflammatories. And Couch-to-5K was put to death.
I quit my job. Liz and I moved to Philadelphia. We started exploring new bars and restaurants (read: ate and drank our faces off for a month). School started. Fat people melt in the heat. The excuse mill was turning out product at full capacity.
I’m now entering Week 3 of my second attempt at Couch-to-5k. This time around, the rewards surfaced within the first week. My resting and recovery heart rates have already improved quite drastically, I’ve lost some weight, and my ankle is holding up. I am now running every other day, I consistently feel better, less fatigued, and it keeps my anxiety from school and life at bay. I find myself now looking forward to working out, as each session reinforces positive results. I am also less inclined to order that extra drink or annihilate a plate of cookies, as I know I will suffer the next day on my run.
If you want to be active or you want to be sedentary, that is totally up to you. I’m certainly not one to judge, as I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum. But I will say that if I can do this program, anyone with two legs (maybe even one) can do it with just as much success. Don’t be afraid to get out there – the rewards are huge. The most difficult part for me was simply getting started. But I quickly realized that once I ran out of excuses, it was time to just run.
